If you’re going to move in together…

There’s a lot of things I’ve done in my life that I regret. Not that I mean to, but I think I could’ve gone about some arguments better, chosen different solutions to problems and stopped myself from going through with some decisions.

It’s taken me a long time to decide whether I regret my last long-term relationship. And to be honest, I still change my mind every day on whether the whole ordeal was really worth it.

I think out of all the soul searching I’ve done about it; I’ve come to a few realisations that are very apparent to me now, but were hidden in love’s blindness at the time.

I don’t think I ever should’ve moved in. We had been dating for just over a year when I moved in. And even then, I only really moved in because his housemate had moved to the UK. I think I was too young and too caught up with the idea of playing house with someone. I think if I’d waited another year, I would’ve been better prepared, or maybe more aware of what I was getting into.

I don’t regret the relationship. That would be equivalent to wishing away three years of my life, but I regret the moving in. It cost me way more than even I think I realise emotionally and financially, and while we were happy for almost two years after that, I think if I’d waited I would’ve known it wasn’t meant to be.

Most of my good friends are people I somehow met through my ex, and without that relationship I wouldn’t have the remarkable friendship circle I have now. I actually can’t even count the people on two hands. It totals almost 100 people I would estimate.

I think what I’m getting at is that just be careful before running into moving in together. I remember when I moved in, my mom said that if it didn’t work out, I could simply move out. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple, it was more like a complex spider’s nest of CD’s, XBOX games, cutlery and coffee mugs.

And since I like to believe I’m quite appropriate when it comes to dolling out advice, the below are what you should seriously consider before moving in:

- JOINT LEASE. Possibly the most important piece of wisdom I have in regards to this matter. I was literally kicked out of my house and had absolutely no legal footing because I had no proof that it had been my home. If this is the only thing that you agree on, then you’ve achieved a lot more than I did.

- Be careful what you buy together and keep slips for big items so that you can prove, if you need to, that it was yours.

- Have a sense of humour, because otherwise you’ll sob every night.

- Remember to keep putting in effort. We stopped making our relationship work, we stopped trying, and ‘we’ were over sooner than I actually realised.

- Don’t compromise yourself. Remember that it’s your home too and you shouldn’t have to do anything that makes you feel constantly uncomfortable.

- Table a monthly budget together and stick to it. Luckily we both earned good salaries so money wasn’t too much of an issue, but when I look back I still resent how I bought most of the groceries, paid the maid way too often and bought items for the house.

I know this seems like I’m being a complete doomsayer here, but I remember Googling for advice just before I moved in with my ex and really wish now that I had found details like these.

Oh, and did I mention the part about a JOINT LEASE?!

So you know, I asked for a joint lease a few times, but never pushed as much as I should’ve done because I always believed there would be more time to get it sorted out.