When your body betrays you

Have you ever been a situation where your body just gives up on you physically? A place where you’re absolutely powerless as to what it’s about to do, and how it’s about to let you down in a horrifying and incredibly scary way?

I got up eagerly yesterday to get back into my running routine after an incredible holiday in Mozambique where I did nothing other than walk up a sand dune a few times and go for one solitary run on an empty strip of beach. I needed the break, but I was excited as I headed off yesterday morning to get back into routine and start planning the races that I wanted to enter in the next few weeks.

I’ve always trained alone for no reason other than I’ve never had a consistent running partner or group to join. So it was basically business as usual when I set out yesterday for what was supposed to be a 10km slow run to kick off this year’s training.

The first ten minutes were absolutely awesome! I was smiling the entire time and even had an endorphin kick just a few minutes into the run that pushed me to pick up the pace a little bit. After that initial spurt though, I started to feel a little dizzy and, here’s the part I cringe to write about because it feels so personal, my period started. At first I slowed down to a light jog and contemplated heading back home, but decided to push forward and cut the run a little shorter than was intended. After a few minutes though, my period pain got pretty severe and I decided to turn around to go back home. About 30 seconds later, I was so dizzy that I had to stop and sit down under a tree. After a few minutes, I stood up and tried to walk, got about 10 metres and had to sit down again.

I ended up lying on my back and I could feel the inevitable blackout coming on. I’ve always suffered from a condition called vasovagal syncope, which means that I black out under extreme physical stress (car accident, cutting myself with a knife) because my blood pressure falls rapidly. The part that no doctor has ever been able to explain though, is that it’s followed by a seizure that looks like grand mal epilepsy.

Sometimes if I just lie on my back and breathe, the feeling will pass, but this time it didn’t. I blacked out on the side of the road and had a seizure. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it and frankly, it was so terrifying lying there alone that all I’ve done since is cry about it.

I’m not sure how long I was there for, probably about ten minutes, before I regained consciousness and could crawl to the roadside where I managed to flag down a car. The lady who stopped asked if she could call somebody to help me, but I asked that she give me a lift home (about 1km away from where I blacked out). I didn’t even get her name but she agreed, and for that small gesture, I’ll be forever grateful.

After a seizure, your body is basically useless. You’ve used up so much energy that you can barely limp, let alone walk and I never would’ve made it home if I had tried. If you ever read this, I’m sorry I never got your name or details, but thank you so, so much. Your kindness was something that I can only hope to repay you in some way for one day.

I’m heading off to the doctor in a little while for a check-up, but there’s not much that can be done about my condition. I’m terrified about running again and I’m not really sure about how I’m going to train now that this has happened.